For Stronger Marriage – Reasons To Stay Married After An Affair.
The initial emotional responses to learning of a spousal extramarital affair can be all-engulfing. Naturally, you are the last one to learn about it. And now you know. Everything your life has been based on for years is now in question. You feel you can’t possibly go on together now that pain, sorrow, and anger are overwhelming you. You ask yourself endlessly why the person you married out of love doesn’t feel the same emotions regarding your marriage as you still feel despite the passage of time. But perhaps it doesn’t have to mean the ending of your marriage.
There are reasons to remain in your marriage even after an affair. It is a natural response of human beings to look upon others with lust in our eyes. For many who have married their first love, the idea of a sexual relationship with someone other than our spouse can be most intoxicating, whether we act out on that fantasy or not. Even simple flirtation can be subconsciously engaged in with no intent of taking it any further. Being human entails thinking, feeling, and sometimes even doing things that may not be the most rational choices. And when that happens, we can make an additional choice to use the errors in judgment to learn and grow.
One reason to remain together after an affair is that working through difficulties causes both individuals to grow, together and separately. The strengths that can be garnered from working past an affair together are innumerable. It’s not the good times that make a relationship strong, it has to do more with the ability to handle issues, pitfalls, and even seeming disasters together that serves to cement and reinforce the relationship and build up the marriage. Why not an affair as well?
Sometimes, as human beings, we don’t remember to think things through, and instead act hastily. Perhaps that is what brought about this affair. It doesn’t matter very much who is the one that wandered off into the arms of another person. What is important here is whether you and your partner have what it takes to survive this and become stronger and more unified as a result. Providing that the party that had the affair is honestly regretful, the marriage still can exist, and even better than before.
In trying to determine whether or not to end an affair, a good place to begin is asking oneself why they began the affair in the first place. What emotions encompassed the beginning of the affair? Do you feel guilty, and if so, why did you feel this guilt? There could be any number of reasons, including not wanting to end your marriage, not wanting to hurt your spouse, or perhaps, because you really do love your partner. Together, you have been building a marriage and a life.
Granted, marriage is not forever filled with newness and excitement. Over time, no one knows you better than your spouse. Right now you are enjoying the intrigue and the danger of having this affair. But what happens later? As occurred in your marriage, with time, the sensation of newness and mystery fades into something more familiar. And when the feelings in the affair fade, as they will surely do, the thrill of it all will be ended as well. It is then that your spouse will be someone you want in your corner, the person who love. Act now, not when it is too late.
Probably the best reason to stop the affair now is that you love your spouse still, after years and years together. In good times and bad, with all your idiocyncrasies, they have remained steadfastly with you. They love you and you still love them. Now is the time to end this affair. Not tomorrow, not next week. Now.
When you married each other it was in love. That love has played a big part in holding the relationship together when the storms came. Now, you have another storm to face together. If you both have what it takes to work past the affair, you will come out the other side of it stronger and more deeply in love. Because of the reasons you married each other, these same reasons are the ones that will keep you married.
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